and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
