the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
