addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
