so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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