i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Actions speak louder than pants.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize