You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
