I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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