How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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