Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize