i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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