Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
