1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
