i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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