Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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