yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
