why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
birth control should be required to get into college
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
