Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
