i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
be right there i have to get my cape
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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