If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
