I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
