I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
