some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
