does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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