I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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