I showed him my bush... on skype.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
