oh god the rape fog is back!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
