why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
