is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
