Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
