Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
