When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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