you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
