is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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