yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
