So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
