why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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