I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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