At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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