spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
