Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
