is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
