so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
