Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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