Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
