If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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