The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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