I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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