I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
