Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize