I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
