apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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