i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Randomize
