i just google imaged poop.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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