im six kinds of drunk right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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