I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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