i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
