we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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