i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Boobs are out for the taking
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
