My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
