Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
