Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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