i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
