I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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