I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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