So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
