SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
