I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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