I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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