i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
