u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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