you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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