considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
